“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;”
– If, Rudyard Kipling
Once upon a time a woman asked me “what kind of car would you get that would signify that you’ve made it?” I think this woman had a high-end Mustang at the time but her goal was a high-end BMW. The question caught me off guard. It’s not like I don’t lust after nice cars. If money was no object I’d probably have a six-car garage full of shiny-zoomy but I’d never really viewed one as an end goal.
The question got me to thinking though. What is my measure of success?
Disclaimers up front, I don’t really believe that success is an end goal. Like the Kipling quote up top, success comes and goes. So does failure. It’s temporary. “This too, shall pass” and all of that. Also, I say all of this knowing full well that I’m incredibly lucky to be able to think of life in these terms. Any discussion of success in terms of “being/going/doing” versus “having” is just a sick joke for anyone who dreams of having basic needs met such as food, shelter, and health. For far too many people “success” means not getting kicked out of their apartment this month, finding something to eat, or simply living another day. I’ve been there. I hope to not be there again, and I hope everyone who is in that kind of situation can see the day where even some of their most distant dreams can come true.
Back to the question. When did I really feel like I’d “made it?” It didn’t come from buying a car. The first time I had that feeling was when I was driving home from grocery shopping and it occurred to me that I’d had no idea how much I’d just spent on groceries. Just being able to go grocery shopping, pick up whatever I wanted, and pay for it without having to worry if I had enough money or how it would impact my bills felt like I’d achieved a certain level of success. Every time a bill comes in and I can just pay it without waiting until the next paycheck or wondering how I will juggle other bills, that’s a success.
On the subject of cars, I had a chance to buy a used Ferrari once. I was tempted. While I could afford to BUY the (used) Ferrari, I also understood that I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to OWN it for very long. Owning a Ferrari would be nice, but I did not make the purchase. When I was looking to move on from my Mazda Speed 3 I really wanted something more powerful. I was split between a Corvette or a high-end Camaro. Go ahead and make your mid-life crisis jokes about the Corvette. Get it out of the way. Feel better now? I had my mid-life crisis at 35 so the car lust wasn’t a part of it and if 35 was mid-life then I may not have much time left at this point. Here’s the thing though: As much as I would love one of those cars, I had a hard time justifying paying that much. Yes I could afford one, and I could have found one used for even less, but looking at the $35k my current car cost and comparing it to $70k+ that I was looking at paying for one of those, I just kept thinking “man, I could do a lot with that extra $35k.” In the end, that thought of what else I could spend the money on is what won out. I got a Miata, which kept me in the $35k range and is a ton of fun even if it’s less powerful than my last car was.
What did that extra $35k+ go to? Since buying the Miata we’ve been to France, the Dominican Republic, New York City, California, Arizona, and several other places. We got to take each of those trips and splurge a bit. enjoying them without feeling like we were on a budget. I got a pilot’s license. I didn’t have to go into debt for any of it. We all measure success differently, but for me the ability to do all of those things makes me feel more accomplished than I would have felt by simply driving a muscle car around. Was the Miata my first choice? No. I still see it as a measure of success because it’s still incredibly fun to drive and choosing it allowed me to do so much more than just own something nicer.
Maybe you would have chosen differently. Maybe you would have gotten the more expensive car. Maybe you would have just wanted a bank account with $35k more in it. For me, maybe “success” would have meant not having to decide between the more expensive car or the travel. Why not have both? Why not own a nice boat and plane as well? Sure, that would indicate a level of success. There’s always “more” to be had but is that our only measure of success? Another form of success might be simply not wanting any of those things. I know a person who lives out in the country in a place barely big enough for a bed and a stove, and that might be the happiest person that I know. Their next goal is to get rid of their car altogether. One of the great joys of life is that each one of us gets to define what success means for us.
Several years ago someone sent me an interesting questionnaire. Questions like things I’d done, things I wanted to do, things I thought I’d never be bale to do, etc. I recently came across my responses to these questions. Off of the more achievable “things I want to do someday” list I’d already crossed seven of them off. When I looked at my answer to “things I want to do but may never get to” I realized I’d done four of them. Four things that a younger me thought were completely out of reach, and I had done them. That, to me, is success.
As for the woman who asked me the original question about the car, I’m no longer in touch with her. I hope she was able to get her dream car and I hope that she is happy, wherever she is. I hope you find success in your life, however you define it. Live long, and prosper. \\//_
